So originally I was going to do a little puzzle of having you guess which snippets of text are from reviews of The Phantom Menace and which are from reviews of the Apple Watch, but I can’t bear to put up with combing through a bunch of drivel produced by fawning nerd-slaves about a product they’ll probably end up ultimately being disappointed with. Instead, I’ve decided to create a Cowboys-based dinner party puzzle. This isn’t supposed to be too hard, but since I made it myself it might be too easy or maybe even unsolvable. Hopefully not.
It is December 15, 2015, and in keeping with a sports’ season straight out of the Book of Revelations in which Ohio State won the college football championship, the Patriots won the Super Bowl, Duke won the college basketball championship, the L.A. Lakers won the NBA championship (after having somehow convinced the Cleveland Cavaliers to trade them all of their players AND their privilege to play in the playoffs), and the Yankees swept both the playoffs and World Series and their star player Alex Rodriguez was unanimously voted the MVP, the Dallas Cowboys have gone 11-2 and have already clinched the NFC East. Jerry Jones has decided to take several of the players on his team out to a GOT-DAMNED STEAK DINNER to celebrate and has hired four hookers, each of whom has been paid to go home the player she is sitting across from.
Jerry is seated at the head of the table on his left the guests are seated man-woman-man-woman and on his right they are seated woman-man-woman-man; such that a man and woman are sitting directly across from each other at all places at the table. There’s a diagram below.
The hookers are named Britanny, Angie, Camilla, and Destiny.
The players are Tony Romo, Dez Bryant, Rolando McClain, and Greg Hardy.
- Britanny is the only hooker with blonde hair.
- Jerry insisted on sitting next his GOT-DAMNED STAR quarterback Tony Romo.
- Angie was embarassed about having a criminal record, until she found out that both of the players next to her and also the one across from her had also been arrested.
- Dez refused to sit across from or next to Destiny because she looked too much like his mother, who is also apparently a hooker according to Jeff Ireland.
- Tony didn’t want to go home with a girl who would remind him of his wife.
- Dez was not allowed to sit at the corner of the table because, according to Jerry, “that boy will be droppin’ silverware all over the got dang place.”
- Angie was happy that her “date” had not been arrested for domestic violence.
- Jerry refused to sit next to a black woman because he a racist old coot.
What was the seating arrangement?
Answer (highlight to see):