But I’m A Placekicker!

Hey Journal.

I know I’ve been distant, but between my janitor job at The Dairy Queen and my promotion to Lead Tire Shiner at the Super Suds I haven’t had time to sit and think. Except on Friday nights while I wait for my true passion: to kick the pigskin through the uprights. I know football season has been over for a while, leaving a football sized hole in my soul, but I’ve been practicing for that fateful day when I get to shine. Every. Single. Day.

So Prom is coming up. But get this, Payson Porter asked Kelly Winters to the Prom. And she said yes? What a whore! Then, that very same afternoon, Payson rolled to the Super Suds in his lifted Silverado and got the extra tire shine! Ugh! I hate Payson!

I don’t know, Journal. I’m starting to feel like nothing really matters. Anyone can see. Sometimes I just want to kick Payson Porter’s head through the uprights right onto Coach Fuller’s stupid face.

I gotta go. Dairy Queen is launching a new Blizzard today and my Manager said I need to come in early for training. What does waxing a floor have to do with Ice Cream?

All Hail Martin Gramatica And His Golden Foot.



4 thoughts on “But I’m A Placekicker!

  1. I’m going to stomp Payson Porter in the testicles the next chance I get.

    Goddamn stuffy prep-school ASS FACE PISSES ME OFF!


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