SPECIAL NOTE: THIS IS THE BANNED KSK POST THAT CAUSED BUDGHAZI. PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK!
If you follow me on Twitter, you may or may not know that I recently celebrated my birthday, and that I’m in the midst of planning myself a party to celebrate the fact that I’ve made it 26 years without electrocuting myself to death while trying to plug my phone charger in.
After asking my friends for help finding a suitable hosting apartment and making all the necessary arrangements (making a Facebook event, adding pictures to the Facebook event, forgetting to invite people to the Facebook event, worrying if I invited everybody to the Facebook event), I had a thought.
Since Budweiser claims to be #UpForWhatever in their ads, why not ask them for some help sponsoring my party?
— Sam Greszes (@SamGreszeseses) May 4, 2015
My demands were simple. My friends are pretty easygoing people, so we wouldn’t need much. Just some entertainment and all the Budweiser MixxTails we could drink. Maybe a promo T-shirt or coozie or two, but that was totally optional.
These tweets were sent six days before the party was scheduled to take place, plenty of time to make the necessary arrangements and make sure that Mr. Groban has an hour or two free to make an appearance. That said, to coordinate all the moving parts effectively, they would need to get in touch with me ASAP to ensure the party would be perfect.
Fast forward to now. I have heard nothing from either the @Budweiser or the @BudLight twitter accounts. Presumably whoever is doing their social media has seen my tweets and is actively ignoring them, just like they ignore everybody else, seeing as neither account follows anybody else on twitter. Arrogant pricks.
Anheuser-Busch has had ample time to respond to my request. They have failed. My hand has been forced.
Budweiser, I hereby proclaim that you, and by extension all employees of Budweiser, Bud Light, or indeed the Anheuser-Busch corporation are not #UpForWhatever and are, in fact, boring pissbaby liarfrauds who like ruining birthday parties.
But it doesn’t have to be this way. The power of manufactured and crowdsourced internet rage has been used for ill in the past– let’s use it toward a noble end for once: Getting me and my friends drunk as f*ck on sh*tty alcohol. Tweet at @Budweiser and @BudLight using the hashtags #BoringPissbabyLiarFrauds and #PleaseSponsorRFDsBirthdayPartyOK and let’s make this happen. #It’sDinosaursBirthdayTime.
It’s not too late, Bud. You can make this right, but the clock is ticking. The party’s on Saturday. If I don’t hear from you soon, I’ll have to take my business to @MillerLite, and see if they’ll send Pitbull over so my friends and I can all ¡dale! together.