Occasional Puzzle: NFL SAT’s

Inspired by my insinuation that Marissa Mayer’s fingerprints were all over Yahoo’s incomprehensible decision to shell out $20 million to broadcast a game between two terrible teams that was already being shown in the local markets (I personally don’t believe Marissa had anything to do with it), I thought I’d prepare a practice SAT exam featuring some our favorite NFL personalities. Enjoy!

1. Ryan Leaf’s fingerprints : every pill bottle in every bathroom medicine cabinet of everyone he ever visited socially :: 

a.) Antonio Cromartie’s fingerprints : condom wrapper
b.) Vince Young’s fingerprints : the textbook for any class at the University of Texas
c.) Darrius Heyward-Bey’s fingerprints : any football that has been thrown in his direction
d.) Andrew Luck’s fingerprints: an electrical appliance
e.) Bill Belichick’s fingerprints : your mom’s uterus


2. Terrell Suggs : Pygocentrus nattereri ::

a.) Drew Brees : a wooly bear caterpillar
b.) Norv Tuner : the moon
c.) Jeff Baca : a Christmas ham
d.) Michael Strahan : the 2002 Houston Texans offensive line
e.) Philip Rivers : a Helium-Cadmium metal vapor laser


Match the NFL player with the song he performed during KSK’s annual Khristmas Party karaoke:

a.) “Baby, it’s Cold Outside”
b.) “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer”
c.) “Carol of the Bells”
d.) “Home for the Holidays”
e.) “Silent Night”

3. Tony Romo – 
4. Donte’ Stallworth – 
5. Derrick Coleman – 
6. Darren Sharper – 
7. Wes Welker – 


O.J. Simpson will forever be associated with the white Bronco he rode in while leading police in a low-speed chase through Los Angeles. Match the vehicle with the NFL personality based on its association with their immoral and/or illegal acts:

a.) Cadillac Escalade
b.) 1999 Ford Econoline Van
c.) Toyota 4Runner
d.) Dodge Ram 1500 Pickup Truck
e.) Ice Cream Truck

8. Aaron Hernandez – 
9. Brad Childress – 
10. Rob Ryan – 
11. Kellen Winslow Jr. – 
12. Cam Newton – 


13. Which of the following TV show concepts was pitched to Hollywood executives as a potential series:

a.) Silverado – James Harrison stars as a talking gorilla that solves crimes in the American Southwest.
b.) Root, Tree, and Branch – Mike Glennon explores his family history, which leads him all the way back the African veldt.
c.) Webb of Deceit – A.J. McCarron participates in the planning of his upcoming wedding to fiancée (and former Miss Alabama) Katherine Webb, but soon learns that things aren’t quite what they seem.
d.) Decker? I hardly know her! – mismatched roommates Eric and Ray attempt to navigate a series of dating adventures in Brooklyn.
e.) The Cooler – former NFL tight end Chris Cooley visits exotic bars in relaxing vacation spots around the globe.

PENCILS DOWN!  THAT MEANS YOU, FAVRE!

Highlight for answers:
1. e
2. d
3. d
4. b
5. e
6. a
7. c
8. c
9. e
10. b
11. a
12. d
13. c (sort of; I’m not sure if a name was ever selected but none of the footage aired)

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15 thoughts on “Occasional Puzzle: NFL SAT’s

    1. So I have no idea how this works…here are some of my (potentially meaningless) observations:

      There are 5 circles.

      Each image has a triangle (presumable for writing something down?) but the corner where the triangle is located varies.

      Don’t think any of the images repeat, but some of the characters do.

      Is this thing a big sudoku? I presume that the emphasis on 1 through 9 says yes, it is.

      Like

      1. Okay, duh, of course it’s a sudoku. And they tell you what the numbers are right in the puzzle description.

        Like

      2. Okay, I got it (though I sort of cheated and plugged it into a sudoku solver once I had the puzzle filled in). No idea what the answer means, though.

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      3. On the first page, where you click on the pdf, there’s a field where you can enter the solution word

        Like

  1. Hey, I finally have something in common with Vince Young!

    /hangs head in shame
    //goes to buy gingko biloba

    Like

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